About the Halalifier

• Are you tired of the limited availability of "Halal" foods or products, embarrassing you when you go out with your friends?
• Are you tired of being in a situation where there are no "Halal" answers to your questions about relationships?
• Are you tired of other Muslims outdoing you with their greater Muslimness?

Well worry no more because we have solved that problem for you!

Our product, the Halalifier purifies everything on a "Halal" system. It is created for the sole purpose of easing the problems of non-Halal products and situations that modern Muslims face today.

The Halalifier comes in easy to carry spray bottle and you can use it to make anything "Halal". You can spray it on "non-Halal" foods like chicken, beef, lamb, goat, shrimp and even pork*. You can use it on non-halal vegetables (details in the FAQs). It can even be used to "Halalify" beer* or wine*. The Halalifier can be used as a cologne or perfume to purify yourself, family members or non-Muslim friends. You can even use it to "Halalify" non-Halal relationships*.

Also details to questions regarding spouses, alcohol, children, television, etc. can be found in the "FAQs" section.

The Halalifier is developed by our certified Halal Scholar & Scientist (HSS). He specializes in the field of "Halal", "Non-Halal" and "Fitnah". It takes our Halal Scholar & Scientist (HSS) one week to convert normal water into "Halalified" water. It is a strenuous task for him to produce the two levels of Halalifier potencies.

• The 100% Halalifier potency product guarantees to produce a 100% "Halal" product. This product can only be bought by Muslims who pass our "100% Muslim Test". (Go to the Order page for more info)
• The 51% Halalifier potency product guarantees to produce a product that is at least 51% "Halal". The rest of the 49% of "Halalness" depends on the Muslim purity of the person. To buy this product you have to pass our "Semi-Muslim Test". (Go to the Order page for more info)

Currently we have only limited bottles in 100% and 51% "Halal" potencies due our meticulous "Halalifying" process.

Go to the FAQs page if you are still not convinced or have questions about the product.

Remember the Halalifier is always the right choice! It is the better way to help Muslims deal with shame and guilt.

* We recommend using the 100% "Halal" potency on these products to get the desired results you are looking for. The high level of "Halal" potency will "Halalify" anything for you.

Order the Halalifier

To order the Halalifier, please choose the potency level you desire. We have limited bottles in 100% and 51% "Halalified" potencies due our meticulous, time consuming "Halalifying" process.

Product: Halalifier-100 (100% potency)

The Halalifier-100 product potency guarantees to produce a 100% "Halalified" product. This product can only be bought by Muslims who pass our "100% Muslim Test".

Click here to take the "100% Muslim Test". We will instantly tell you if you have passed the test.

Product: Halalifier-51 (51% potency)

The Halalifier-51 product potency guarantees to produce a product that is at least 51% "Halal". The rest of the 49% of "Halalness" depends on the Muslim purity of the person. To buy this product you have to pass our "Semi-Muslim Test".

Click here to take the "Semi-Muslim Test". We will instantly tell you if you have passed the test.

 

Please click the "About" tab to learn about the Halalifier

Halalifier FAQs

• Can I use the Halalifier on my wife to obey me more?
• Yes you can but the outcome depends on the Halalifier potency level. Order the 100% potency for complete obedience.

• Can I use the Halalifier on my husband to obey me more?
• Yes and no. The result of the Halalifier again depends on the potency level of the product but there is another factor that can diminish the desired results. That factor is "sect" hence results vary depending which sect your husband belongs to. Our Halal Scholar & Scientist (HSS) is working real hard to eliminate this factor. Keep reading here for updates on this.

• Can I use the Halalifier to control my sexual urges towards the opposite sex?
• Yes*. Just spray a single dose of the product in your eyes and the opposite sex will look like repulsive semi-hideous creature to you.

• Can I use the Halalifier to control my sexual urges if I am attracted to the same sex?
• Yes* you can. Just spray a double dose of the product in your eyes and the same sex person that you are attracted to will look like the opposite sex that you are not attracted to.

  NOTE: Be careful in using the double dose if you are attracted to the opposite sex. This may increase your attraction towards them.

• Can I use the Halalifier on my relationship (i.e. girlfriend/ boyfriend) so that my parents approve of it?
• Yes*. Not only will your parents approve of the relationship, they will not encourage you to marry the person because the relationship is already "Halalified".

• Can I use the Halalifier on my spouse so that they look more pious to the world?
• Yes*. If your spouse is a man, then the Halalifier will make sure he has a Taqiyah (prayer cap), Misbaha (prayer beads), prayer mark on forehead, Muslim beard, short haircut, leather socks and will stop the act of Isbal (clothing below the ankles).

  If your spouse is a woman, the product will make sure she is either in a Niqab (covers face except the eyes), Hijab (covers the head), Chador (cloak)/ or Burqa/ Boshiya. It will also make sure that her clothing is loose and does not resemble male clothing. The clothing will be as plain as possible so that she does not attract any attention. She will also have a Taqiyah, leather socks and maybe leather gloves.

• Can I use the Halalifier on alcohol?
• Yes*. Nowadays with the ever increasing availability of natural and artificial flavours in our foods and medicines, it is inevitable that we cannot avoid alcohol one hundred percent. We know the guilt a Muslim goes through when they have had tiramisu, fine chocolates, medications, beer, wine or juices. Did you know that even store bought orange juice has trace amounts of alcohol in it? Now you can have all of that without shame or guilt.

• Can I use the Halalifier on non-halal foods like pork, shrimps, gelatin, biryani or blood pudding?
• Yes* you can. Due to our meticulous "Halalifiying" process, our Halal Scholar & Scientist (HSS) has made sure that all non-halal meat products are purified and can be used for consumption purposes. With this you can now enjoy "meat candy" (pork) products and not feel left out at parties and events.

  NOTE: Do not consume "meat candy" products with soft drinks. The soft drinks cancel the Halalifier effects on the product. Our Halal Scholar & Scientist (HSS) is working on this strange behaviour so keep checking here for future developments.

• Can I use the Halalifier on cigarettes/ tobacco?
• Yes* you can. Even though tobacco is semi-allowed but to be 100% Muslim, one must abstain from things like tobacco because it funds capitalist corporations.

• Can I drink the Halalifier product for permanent Halalness?
• No you cannot. As soon as you drink the Halalifier product, the impurities in your body nullifies its' effects.

• What can I not use the Halalifier on?
• Currently the following are immune to the effects of the Halalifier.
  • Soft drinks
  • Fruits and Vegetables (especially Vegetarian dishes)
  • Children and the Elderly
  • Religious Scholars, Politicians, Actors, Reporters (TV/Print), and Janitors (NOTE: works on the fake ones)
  • Pets and their masters (as the pets counter the effects)

  We are working real hard on Halalifier 2 which will solve this issue.

• Why is the Halalifier available in such limited quantities?
• It takes our Halal Scholar & Scientist (HSS) one week to convert normal water into "Halalified" water. It is a strenuous task for him to produce highest level of potency for the Halalifier. So in a year, he can only produce 50 bottles each for the 100% and 51% potencies.

  You might be wondering why not 52 bottles of the products? Well Halal Scholar & Scientist (HSS) does get tired as he is only human, so we give him two weeks of to rest and recuperate. Also we are a company with a conscience that follows the "Halal" science and it would be wrong for us to capitalise on such a market like the rest of the capitalist corporations.

• What do you recommend on using the Halalifier on?
• This is a multi-purpose product and we recommend that you use it in your home to get rid of unwanted spirits, jinns (supernatural creatures), guests, family or in-laws. It is also good substitute for an air freshener. You can even use it on your family or non-Muslim friends to increase their level of "Halalness".

  You can use it as a perfume or cologne. This one product does it all and generates the right scent as it knows which sex it is being sprayed on.

  You can also use it on shameful or lustful photographs, movies and even music. It strips away the shame/lust and brings out the piety.

* We recommend using the 100% "Halal" potency on these products to get the desired results you are looking for. The high level of "Halal" potency will "Halalify" anything for you.

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Notice

This website has been created by a Muslim comedian who wants to showcase that Muslims can be funny, have a sense of humour and can appreciate a joke. The contents of this site are not meant to be taken seriously. This is a spoof website, intended for comedic purposes only. Those who are easily offended are asked to refrain from reading this website.

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